Shunning Shyness & Slaying Fears.
If you are shy you've got probably more to say than most people - as
you've been listening carefully for years.
Alix Needham has helped men and women of all ages to combat shyness.
Below are some brief extracts from Alix's book, The Stress Management
Kit. If shyness is affecting you or someone you know, you could find it
useful. Through her practice, LifeStyle Management, she can assist you
to develop your true potential and express yourself fluently and without
worry.
Alix Needham offers counselling and therapy that works to put you in control
to un-silence yourself and realise your potential. Please feel free to get
in touch.
Shyness - advice, tips, treatments.
If
shyness is your problem, you may have difficulties approaching
someone attractive or get really nervous when you talk to someone you
like. You probably worry about making a fool of yourself or going red
with embarrassment, terrified that the person you are talking to might
notice how awkward you feel and think you're a real idiot.
You may wonder how certain people seem comfortable with themselves in
virtually any situation, how they seem interested in people and can set
others at ease. They can easily generate stimulating conversations and
talk to strangers as if they were old friends. So what is the secret formula
that enables them to do this? And how can you change from being a wallflower
to a social butterfly and keep those demon insecurities in check so you
feel comfortable talking to an attractive stranger.
The first step is to believe that it is possible to change and that you
don't have to feel awkward and shy forever. You can overcome the problem
by changing your attitude and applying some simple communication techniques
that will set you on the right track for overcoming your shyness.
Change your thoughts. You may tell yourself
that it's your personality that makes you shy or that being around other
people makes you nervous but the truth of the matter is that it's your
own negative thoughts that make you feel shy and insecure. If you think
that people won't like you or find you a bore, then guess what, that belief
becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy and you end up giving a bad impression
of yourself .
Visualise. If you think about social situations
and see yourself looking tense in your mind's eye. Just remember it's
those fantasies that can actually create bad feelings.
Small talk. If you get nervous before a party
because you think you have nothing to say you can deal with those fears
by thinking of topics you'd enjoy talking about. Scan the newspaper and
the latest magazines making a mental list of current events, news stories
or new movies just released. The more educated you feel about what's going
on in the world, the more comfortable you'll feel when you meet new people
or a prospective partner.
Blame someone else for once. You don't have
to blame yourself if the conversation falls flat no matter whose fault
it is. If you're at an opening night at an art exhibition and you're talking
to an attractive stranger who then walks away. You could shrink into your
shell or remind yourself that maybe they had to go to the bathroom or
maybe they are incredibly shy themselves and were worried they were making
a bad impression. Or even if they were bored, so what? Why spend time
with someone who doesn't find you fascinating?
Find out about others, accept yourself. Shy
people often put themselves down and berate themselves for feeling self-conscious.
Learning to accept these feeling without shame is the key to change. By
giving yourself permission to feel shy and nervous, you begin to feel
more relaxed and in control. You overcome the problem by surrendering
to it rather than resisting it. This is called paradoxical technique.
If you put yourself down you will feel more inadequate and make the problem
worse. Shyness is a form of emotional perfectionism where you try to measure
up to how you think you should be rather than accepting yourself as you
are. Admitting to others that you feel shy creates a new openness that
can make you even more appealing.
Breathe. If you're feeling shy and you are faced
with a party or social function where you're around new people and you
are feeling anxious, notice how the stress response sets in .Your body
feels tense, ready for "fight or flight". Your body responds
to this tense situation and your breathing becomes shallow causing you
to panic. Next time that this starts to happen, make a conscious effort
to control your breathing. Practice inhaling through your nose, drawing
air slowly in to your abdomen and then slowly exhaling through your mouth.
This type of breathing will help your body and mind to remain relaxed
so that you will be able to think more clearly whilst talking to someone
rather than being consumed by your own anxiety.
Seek help. Don't be to shy to seek help. If shyness
is holding you back from going out more or forming a meaningful relationship
and you've tried all the above techniques and you still feel paralysed -
then maybe a counselor or psychotherapist can help you to discover what
is the root cause of your problem and give you some personal support in
breaking out of your shyness cycle.