If you are shy you've got probably more to say than most people - as you've been listening carefully for years.

Alix Needham has helped men and women of all ages to combat shyness. Below are some brief extracts from Alix's book, The Stress Management Kit. If shyness is affecting you or someone you know, you could find it useful. Through her practice, LifeStyle Management, she can assist you to develop your true potential and express yourself fluently and without worry.

Alix Needham offers counselling and therapy that works to put you in control to un-silence yourself and realise your potential. Please feel free to get in touch.

SHYNESS - ADVICE, TIPS, TREATMENT

If shyness is your problem, you may have difficulties approaching someone attractive or get really nervous when you talk to someone you like. You probably worry about making a fool of yourself or going red with embarrassment, terrified that the person you are talking to might notice how awkward you feel and think you're a real idiot.

You may wonder how certain people seem comfortable with themselves in virtually any situation, how they seem interested in people and can set others at ease. They can easily generate stimulating conversations and talk to strangers as if they were old friends. So what is the secret formula that enables them to do this? And how can you change from being a wallflower to a social butterfly and keep those demon insecurities in check so you feel comfortable talking to an attractive stranger.

The first step is to believe that it is possible to change and that you don't have to feel awkward and shy forever. You can overcome the problem by changing your attitude and applying some simple communication techniques that will set you on the right track for overcoming your shyness.

Change your thoughts. You may tell yourself that it's your personality that makes you shy or that being around other people makes you nervous but the truth of the matter is that it's your own negative thoughts that make you feel shy and insecure. If you think that people won't like you or find you a bore, then guess what, that belief becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy and you end up giving a bad impression of yourself .

Visualise. If you think about social situations and see yourself looking tense in your mind's eye. Just remember it's those fantasies that can actually create bad feelings. Instead visualise yourself relaxed ,smiling and at ease, talking to people in a confident way.
The more you practice visualising this way the easier it will become in reality to be that person.

Small talk. If you get nervous before a party because you think you have nothing to say you can deal with those fears by thinking of topics you'd enjoy talking about. Scan the newspaper and the latest magazines making a mental list of current events, news stories or new movies just released. The more educated you feel about what's going on in the world, the more comfortable you'll feel when you meet new people or a prospective partner.

Blame someone else for once. You don't have to blame yourself if the conversation falls flat no matter whose fault it is. If you're at an opening night at an art exhibition and you're talking to an attractive stranger who then walks away. You could shrink into your shell or remind yourself that maybe they had to go to the bathroom or maybe they are incredibly shy themselves and were worried they were making a bad impression. Or even if they were bored, so what? Why spend time with someone who doesn't find you fascinating?

Find out about others, accept yourself. Shy people often put themselves down and berate themselves for feeling self-conscious. Learning to accept these feeling without shame is the key to change. By giving yourself permission to feel shy and nervous, you begin to feel more relaxed and in control. You overcome the problem by surrendering to it rather than resisting it. This is called paradoxical technique. If you put yourself down you will feel more inadequate and make the problem worse. Shyness is a form of emotional perfectionism where you try to measure up to how you think you should be rather than accepting yourself as you are. Admitting to others that you feel shy creates a new openness that can make you even more appealing.

Breathe. If you're feeling shy and you are faced with a party or social function where you're around new people and you are feeling anxious, notice how the stress response sets in .Your body feels tense, ready for "fight or flight". Your body responds to this tense situation and your breathing becomes shallow causing you to panic. Next time that this starts to happen, make a conscious effort to control your breathing. Practice inhaling through your nose, drawing air slowly in to your abdomen and then slowly exhaling through your mouth. This type of breathing will help your body and mind to remain relaxed so that you will be able to think more clearly whilst talking to someone rather than being consumed by your own anxiety.

Seek help. Don't be to shy to seek help. If shyness is holding you back from going out more or forming a meaningful relationship and you've tried all the above techniques and you still feel paralysed - then maybe a counsellor or psychotherapist can help you to discover what is the root cause of your problem and give you some personal support in breaking out of your shyness cycle.

A Final Word -

If shyness is something that is effecting your every day life and you feel that you could benefit from some professional advice please contact Alix Needham on 0207 935 1965 or info@alixneedham.com for your initial free consultation.

Read a case study of how Alix works to overcome shyness using Hypnotherapy and EFT.